Chronicles of the Stars 2: Bad Luck
by Deliverer
Summary: Evil Luigi, Condescending apology, Bad Luck. That's what his name meant. However, he had never truly felt the full impact of his namesake until that day. No really stupid humor. Waluigi and Rosalina pairing implied, as well as more popular fan favorites.
1. A Problem Arises

'Bad Luck'

(A/N: This Story was a request asked of me. It isn't the type of story I usually do. Out of my proverbial 'comfort zone,' but there is no better challenge for an author than trying new things like this. It may or may not be to everyone's taste including my fans from my debut story so be warned. The angst part of this you will only see in you think on it and read between the lines. I tried to make it humorous while still not completely beating up my second favorite character in the Mario series. I hope you enjoy.)

_Part 1_

Bad Luck, that's what his name meant. That and Condescending Apology, and the less interesting Evil Luigi depending on how you broke it down. Waluigi. However, he had never felt the full impact of his namesake until that day, a day he tried so hard to forget.

Wario ate dinner sourly. He looked angrily up at the clock then looked to the door growling. 'Where the heck is Waluigi? No thanks to him I'm eating dinner at midnight because he never came back and cooked it for me!' He turned back to take another bite, but just then the door burst open and Waluigi stumbled through coughing and gasping.

Wario jumped. He saw his brother then got angry. "Waluigi! Why weren't you here to make supper, and why are you so late!" Waluigi scowled at Wario then began muttering intelligible insults. "Answer me you lazy bum!" Wario shot.

"Me lazy! No, I'm a not saying anything more. You probably wouldn't understand a word I said," Waluigi retorted quickly catching himself before Wario got physical. He walked passed the table towards the fridge answering vaguely, without meeting Wario's eyes and in a meek tone, "I was a caught up in, err, something." He looked in the fridge and grimaced at the garlic and bean dishes inside. "Didn't you a stock up on eggplant?" Waluigi questioned.

"No," Wario replies. "There might be one on the bottom shelf in the very back," he finished. Waluigi looked and saw it. He nearly threw up. He cried out in terror then ran to the bathroom to put on thick rubber gloves and get a long metal pole with claws on the end. Plugging his nose and holding his breath he reached the pole in and pulled out the rotting vegetable. He went to an incinerator he had long ago learned to have handy, and burned it. "Was that a really necessary?" Wario asked.

"Yes!" Waluigi barked. He grumbled as he took off his gear then went to the fridge to get a bean garlic dish that looked at least slightly edible. He brought a fork full to his mouth, but right then Wario's eyes widened.

"Wait Waluigi!" Wario shouted.

Waluigi paused then turned to him asking, "What?"

Wario tried to remember what he was going to say, but soon gave up declaring, "I forget." Waluigi harrumphed then ate it at the table. Wario kept looking uncertainly at it making Waluigi nervous, but Waluigi didn't obey his self-preservation instinct. Honestly at this point in time, after what happened, he didn't really give a hoot whether or not he lived or died. He shuddered at the memory. The voice calling him into the dark woods. The strange creatures all looking at him as he neared the voices origin. He shook his head desperately.

In a meek voice, looking down at his plate, he said, "Listen brother, I don't a feel good. I'm a going to bed."

Wario asked curiously, "What's a with you?"

Waluigi paused at the door then replied looking back, "Something happened. Something I don't think I'll share with you."

"Why not!" Wario demanded.

"Just because I know you," Waluigi answered.

"Hey!" Wario yelled.

"Not an insult big brother," Waluigi shot testily. He then went to bed.

Wario raised an eyebrow at the odd behavior but then went back to eating, thinking, 'Eh, he's my weird little sibling. He does things like this. It's best not to question Waluigi.'

Waluigi woke up very early the next morning. He looked at his clock. It read five. Doing a quick recap he pin pointed the time he went to bed as one. He groaned realizing he'd only had about four hours of sleep. Wario snored loudly from the bottom bunk. Waluigi growled angrily. He groaned as he felt suddenly very sick. He sniffed the air then wrinkled his nose. He cried out in disgust covering his nose and mouth. Furiously he turned on the light and yelled, "Wario, get up!" Wario woke up alright.

Furious at the sudden wake up call Wario demanded, "Wha, what is it! What's a going on here!"

Waluigi yelled, "Did you pass gas or something! It stinks in here!"

At the same time, half way through Waluigi's question, Wario asked plugging his nose, "Whoa, Waluigi, what did you do!"

It was then, with Wario's question, that Waluigi's eyes lit in realization. His mouth fell open in shock, eyes wide. He looked down, lifting the covers, then fearfully, in shock, he said, "Wario, I think I need to go to the doctor."

"Why?" Wario suspiciously asked as he rose. Before Waluigi could cover it Wario looked then screamed, "Whoa! What the heck Walu! What is this! What's a going on with you! Is this revenge on me or something, because _you_ do the washing!"

"I do everything!" Waluigi yelled back. However he then repeated in a more worried tone, "I need to see a doctor."

Wario replied, "Doctor, pah, waste of time, and time is money. We'll just go see Mario. He's a doctor, sort of."

Waluigi shot back, "And tell him this! The fist thing he'll a do is tell Luigi! No way!"

Wario barked, "Then you're a stuck like that!" Waluigi's eyes reflected fear. Wario bit his tongue but didn't retract the threat.

After a moment Waluigi meekly consented. "Fine," he said. In his mind he thought, 'I'd rather he look. A real doctor would probably see. Star spirits be with me.'

The two went up to Mario and Luigi's house and knocked. Luigi opened the door grumbling. He cried out in alarm on seeing his cousins. "Mario!" he called. Mario heard the cry then rushed up to his brother's aid.

"Calm down coward!" Waluigi yelled.

"Waluigi needs to see a doctor. I'm not wasting time with a waiting room for a real one," Wario said.

"Humph," Mario said. He then went into the house. There was awkward silence between the two standing outside and Luigi who stared at them in shock. Wario eventually coughed. Soon Mario arrived in his Doctor Mario outfit and said, "Doctor Mario at a your service."

"Can I go elsewhere bro?" Luigi asked.

"And leave me with them?" Mario asked incredulously.

"Uh, yeah," Luigi said.

"Fine," Mario said. Luigi walked back up the stairs to his room looking worriedly at Wario and Waluigi. They heard the door shut and the locks click into place.

"Stupid green bean pole," Waluigi muttered.

"Come in and sit on the examining table in the basement," Mario said. Waluigi entered grumbling, Wario right behind. Mario followed last. Waluigi sat on the table with his arms folded. "What's a wrong?" Mario asked.

"Is there doctor patient confidentiality with you?" Waluigi challenged. "As in, don't a tell Luigi or else I'll kill you, or him. Whatever cousin works."

Mario chuckled nervously then replied, "Uh, okay."

"I had an accident in bed," Waluigi said blushing deeply. Mario looked at him in shock, then to Wario who was picking his nose. Wario shrugged. "It's a never happened before, and I feel sick."

"Okay..." Mario finally said. "Uh, let a me examine you. Uh, d-do you want Wario in here?"

Waluigi groaned with little crying sounds. He then scowled answering, "I don't care, let's just get my super daily dose of humiliation over with."

Mario cleared his throat saying, "Uh, Wario, you should leave and wait upstairs. I'll a call you when I'm done." Waluigi shivered. Wario raised an eyebrow but left. Mario shut the door behind him.

Wario sat on the couch flipping through a random book he'd picked up. 'At least it's about food,' he thought as he took in the pictures. Luigi was heard coming downstairs. Wario looked up. Luigi met his eyes then grinned nervously. He quickly slid by not taking his eyes from Wario. As Luigi entered the kitchen Wario called, "Hey cuz, bring me something to eat and drink!"

"What do you say?" Luigi asked.

"Do it or else you'll wish you'd never been born!" Wario angrily called, annoyed at Luigi's attempt to actually get him to ask nicely.

Nervously Luigi chuckled and said, "Okie-dokie." Wario grumbled some unintelligible words Luigi wasn't sure he wanted to hear. Soon Luigi brought him the food.

He snatched in and swallowed it whole with the drink as Mario called, "Wario!" Wario wiped his mouth then shoved the plates into a disgusted Luigi who then began grumbling as well. Wario chose to ignore simply going back to the basement.

Mario turned to Waluigi as Wario was coming, concern for his little cousin on his face. Waluigi wasn't looking at him. "Waluigi, what a happened?" Mario asked.

"None of your a business. I ate a Wario home cooked meal," Waluigi vaguely answered.

"You know what I meant! Who was it!" Mario yelled.

"No one! You're a not even a real doctor!" Waluigi yelled.

"Have you told Wario!" Mario demanded.

"No! And if you a want your little brother around for a long time yet you'll a keep quiet!" Waluigi yelled. "How on Earth you found out..." he grumbled.

"He needs to know!" Mario yelled.

"I need to a know what?" Wario asked annoyed.

Mario jumped. Waluigi looked warningly at Mario. Mario grinned nervously then turned to Wario saying, "Wario, what was in the food you made?"

"Garlic, beans, poison mushroom, and some weird thing I found in the yard that looked edible but not," Wario replied.

"Poison mushroom! Some weird thing! Stupid idiot! This is a all your fault!" Waluigi yelled furiously.

"What!" Wario demanded.

"Uh, W-Waluigi has lost all control of his bladder. He's a now, probably thanks to that weird thing you mentioned, permanently incontinent. Well, might be," Mario said.

"He's a what?" Wario asked.

"He can't control when or where he goes to the bathroom," Mario clarified. "He's a gonna need to use the most super absorbent strongest adult, well, diapers, for lack of better words. He's a wearing one until you two can buy more right now. That thing really was powerful. I found that out the hard way."

Wario looked at him in shock then burst into laughter rolling on the floor. "This is humiliating," Waluigi groaned.

"It wouldn't be so bad if you told him that that thing wasn't the only part of it," Mario hissed.

"You were seeing things," Waluigi retorted.

"I'm a doctor, I know what I see!" Mario said.

"You're not even a real doctor!" Waluigi hissed.

"Waweegee needs diapers!" Wario laughed. "My baby brother Wally is now really like a baby brother!" Waluigi leapt up and attacked him viciously. Wario cried out in alarm. Mario dove behind the protection of a desk as they fought. Suddenly Wario sniffed the air and stopped fighting saying, "Waluigi, you did it again didn't you!"

Waluigi blushed then got off lamenting, "Why does everything bad always happen to Waweegee. What am I, a brunt for slapstick comedy? I hate my life."

"I'm surprised you didn't do anything to yourself last night," Mario said solemnly.

"I'm stronger than that," Waluigi retorted.

"That wasn't comedy Waluigi," Mario shot. "You should see a psychiatrist!"

"What are you talking about?" Wario asked.

"Nothing!" Waluigi barked. "Let's a get out of here." With that Waluigi seized Wario's arm dragging him behind.

Luigi was just passing the basement door when it flew open slamming into him! He cried out in a cross of alarm, surprise, and pain as he fell. "Out of the way Mr. Eyeballs!" Waluigi yelled as he swiftly walked by then out the door, Mario came up watching after them helplessly.

He looked down at his brother, who just then groaned, and cringed. "You a need to see a doctor Luigi. Come downstairs. I'll take a look at that."

"Mama mia," Luigi moaned as Mario helped him up then down the stairs. "What's a with Waluigi?"

"I can't tell you right now, at least not all of it. I can't hold what I know all on my own. I'll a cut out the comic part," Mario replied.

"Comic part? As in I could hold it over his head comic," Luigi hopefully asked.

"The question is would you want to if I told you all of it? As it is you're a only hearing the tragic part of it all," Mario replied. "Besides, he says he'll a kill you or me, or both if he can, if I tell you the comic part."


	2. Embarrassment In A Supermarket

'Bad Luck'

_Part 2_

Waluigi and Wario walked through the store, Waluigi trying hard not to blush. They came to the section they were supposed to be in. Looking furtively around Waluigi sneakily reached out selecting the brand he needed, moaning. Just then a gentle voice said, "Well, well, if it isn't Waluigi and Wario."

Waluigi cried out in terror, clinging to the package then diving behind Wario, face bright red. "R-R-R-R-Rosalina," he stammered. His breath caught as he gasped, "Daisy!"

"Peach, Mona," Wario greeted.

"Who are the adult diapers for?" Mona questioned.

Wario opened his mouth to reply, but Waluigi leapt up exclaiming, "Professor E. Gadd! Yeah, that's who! S-see h-his age finally caught up with him. He, uh, asked us to, uh, pick these up for him because he was too humiliated to do it himself."

"What!" Wario asked. Turning to the women he said, "They're a for Waweegee."

Waluigi burst into maniacal fake laughter and put an arm over his brother's shoulders squeezing viciously. Through a fake grin and forced tight voice he said, "Wahahahaha, my brother! He's such a kidder! Aren't you Wario!"

"I..." Wario began, but Waluigi dug his claw like fingers deep into his shoulder and scowled at him viciously.

"Aren't you Wario," he menacingly growled.

"Uh, y-yeah, a k-kidder," Wario nervously stammered.

Peach sympathetically put a hand daintily over her mouth and said, "Oh the poor, poor man. I feel so bad for him. It's so sweet of you to do this for him."

"It is, but my question is why would you?" Daisy asked. "I mean, Elvin Gadd is Luigi's friend and Mario's. I mean I could see it with Dr. Crygor, but since when are you friends with Gadd too? Even if you were I can't see you two villains doing something nice for him, no offence," Daisy suspiciously added.

"Uhhhhh..." Both men tried to say.

Rosalina raised a suspicious eyebrow then said, "Well I suppose he offered money. Either that or something else is going on. Is this another strange plan of yours?"

"Y-yeah, he offered money. No plans or anything like that," Waluigi quickly said, grateful that Rosalina had opened that line of reasoning. They would do anything for money.

"Typical Wario," Mona said with a smile. "Nothing makes sense with you."

Sternly Peach said, "I hope you're not planning anything with those. Mario will stop you."

"So will Luigi," Daisy added, slightly upset that Peach never acknowledged him.

"Yeah right! We rule!" Wario yelled. "Now get out of here! What are you even doing in this section!"

They looked at him like he was an idiot. Waluigi pursed his lips and face palmed his own face shaking his head. "Uh, Wario, this is where girls get their, err, sanitary products," Waluigi tried to explain.

"We need pads," Daisy simply said. It was now Wario's turn to blush deep red. Awkwardly Waluigi grabbed another package putting them in the cart, and the two men walked away from the group of giggling women.

"My life sucks," Waluigi moaned as they reached Wario's castle mansion. "I wish I were dead."

"I'll be glad to grant that wish if we have to keep going through things like that for the rest of your sorry miserable life," Wario grumbled. He smelled the air then scowled at Waluigi. Waluigi sighed then entered the bathroom. Soon he came out to see Wario impatiently tapping his foot.

Ignoring the agitated look he continued pitying himself saying, "If the girls find out my life is a over."

"Your life was over before it started," Wario replied.

"Well now it's a doubly over!" Waluigi yelled. He crinkled his nose then sobbed, "Triple over." he then re-entered the washroom. Wario shook his head half hopelessly half pityingly.

"Ah well, his problem, not mine," Wario said quietly out loud.

"Hey Wario, how strong are these pills!" Waluigi called from the washroom.

Wario looked at the door shocked at the question. "Uh, strong. Don't take anymore than two if you're in pain."

"How many to kill a man!" Waluigi asked.

"Wally get out of the washroom or I'll break down the door!" Wario yelled in an angry tone, yet secretly slightly concerned about the line of questioning.

"Fine!" Waluigi shouted back as he left. Wario grabbed Waluigi and pried open his mouth examining it for pills.

"How many did you take?" he asked.

"None," Waluigi replied defensively. "What sort of idiot do you think I am Wario! No, don't answer," he quickly said.

"I didn't plan to," Wario replied. The two went to their living room and sat to watch TV.

For a long time no one talked. Waluigi got up more than once to go to the bathroom. Wario was getting annoyed. Waluigi sat down finally and sighed. He then said, "You know, had you ever seen something like that thing in our..."

"My," Wario corrected.

"_Your_, yard before?" Waluigi asked.

Wario thought a moment then replied, "No."

Waluigi rubbed his chin and mused, "Then how did it get there?"

"Someone probably put it there," Wario casually said. It was then that he sat up straight. Waluigi's eyes brightened in realization.

The two met each others eyes and Waluigi said, "Then who?"

Wario scowled then replied, "Syrup."

"I doubt that," Waluigi retorted. "Not everything is her and Mario's fault."

"Yes it is," Wario replied. Waluigi opened his mouth to protest, but when he thought about it Wario was almost completely right. Who could it be?

Meanwhile, in the Dark Land, Bowser laughed evilly. "Bwahaha, my plan is working," he declared.

"You mean your plan to make Wario's Wario waft even more deadly and powerful?" Kammy sarcastically remarked. At his scowl she added, "Uh, your royal Koopaliness."

Bowser nodded, satisfied at her cover, then continued, "No! My plan to make him almost completely useless! With all the bathroom breaks he'll have to take he'll be a pushover! Less competition for me! How can he fight when he's having accidents every few minutes?"

"It's only temporary though," Kammy warned. "We'll, I mean _you'll_, have to act fast to take his castle and destroy him and his brother."

"It's a long temporary effect. Five months to five years is plenty of time," Bowser remarked.

"There may be other factors you've missed though. Iggy has conducted experiments with that Bean Mushroom you used, and with poison mushrooms the effect is doubled to ten months to ten years. With a more grim contributing factor from Ludwig he found the effects could be made permanent," Kammy said.

"All the better," Bowser replied. "What is this grim contributing factor?"

Kammy whispered it to him. Bowser's smile fell. He became angry and annoyed then demanded, "Where would he get an idea like that from! Am I missing something! Is he not telling me things! I swear, if anyone has..."

"No your nastyness, he's a clever boy though. He knows what it is and read up on the causes of incontinence," she hurriedly explained. "He found a mention of that there."

"That boy has got to stop reading," Bowser grumbled. "Why can't he be more like Lemmy, or Junior, yeah, Junior. Lemmy never takes anything seriously, and Junior can't stand books. Just like his old man."

Kammy sighed saying, "Yes your highness."

Meanwhile at the Mario bros house Luigi was sitting shocked at Mario's news. After a moment Mario asked, "Weegie?"

Luigi shook his head then looked at Mario asking, "Really?"

"Really," Mario confirmed.

"Oh boy, this is bad," Luigi said looking down once more.

"He won't tell Wario," Mario said.

"Then you should," Luigi stated.

"Not with our lives being in jeopardy, and why not you?" Mario replied.

"I can't, I hate Waluigi. I have no sense of obligation towards him, but man do I feel sorry for him," Luigi answered.

Mario sighed then sat next to him on the examining table, still in doctor Mario garb. "Luigi, we've a got to figure this out. We have to a figure out who did this, and if Bowser has anything to do with the comic part I neglected to a tell you."

"Is there one?" Luigi asked.

"You have no clue," Mario replied with a slight chuckle.

"Well now would be a good time to hear it," Luigi pouted.

Mario patted his brother's shoulder replying, "Maybe later."

Meanwhile the four girls were standing at the checkout line-up for the store. Daisy remarked curiously, "You know, something didn't ring true about Waluigi and Wario's story. I don't trust them. I think they're hiding something."

"At least Waluigi. Wario's clueless," Rosalina agreed.

"He is not," Mona defended.

"Yes he is. As for their story, are you sure it wasn't on the level?" Peach questioned.

"Almost certain," Daisy firmly nodded.

Peach then said, "Hmm, I'll get Mario and Luigi to keep a watch on those two then. I can't be too careful with my kingdom."

"I still say they aren't up to anything really truly evil. Wario's all about making money, not taking over kingdoms. That's Waluigi's speed, but he won't do anything without Wario," Mona said.

"Yes he will. He stole music notes once," Peach said.

"She means she thinks he's incapable or too cautious to effectively go through with it. Wario's the headstrong one who charges into situations. Waluigi would dance around everything until he was certain it was perfect," Daisy said.

"From what I've heard of them Waluigi comes up with brainstorm plans without much development and Wario encourages him to go through with them. He doesn't have time to think it over. Wario rushes him right along. If he put effort into some plans I bet they'd come through," Rosalina said.

"Anyway, we can't rely on the Mario bros alone to watch them. We should keep an eye on them too, shouldn't we? I mean I think it would be a good idea," Daisy said hesitantly.

"We will. I have the best vantage point of you all," Rosalina said. "Peach can watch the kingdom for them, Mona can watch Wario at work, and Daisy can keep an eye on Waluigi from the sports fields. I'll watch them both from the stars."

"All right, let's go spy on Wario and Waluigi," Peach relented.

"It's not spying, just keeping a close cautious eye on them," Mona said. With that they paid for their purchases and left the store breaking into their four separate directions.


	3. Let The Spying Begin

'Bad Luck'

_Part 3_

Wario was at his desk in his company building, reading papers. He soon stood up and made a quick sketch of a teleportation device. He never heard the office door open. Mona watched him carefully then snuck up behind him. She watched him draw in his pathetic childlike way, but there was nothing childlike about the plans. Suddenly she said, making him jump, "Wow boss, you may be a clueless idiot in everything else, but electronics are your thing."

"Mona!" Wario cried out. He angrily looked at her demanding, "Who said you could come in! Whoever did is fired!"

Mona giggled and answered, "No one Wario, I came in myself." She batted her eyelashes asking, "Are you going to fire me now?" Wario's eyes opened helplessly. Nervously he pulled away from her, grinned, chuckling nervously, then turned back to his drawing pretending to scrutinize it.

"Don't be stupid, I need you here," Wario casually replied.

"I thought so," Mona said in a sing song tone as she hopped onto his desk to sit. After a moments silence she finally said, "Sooo... what were you and Waluigi really doing in the pharmacy part of the store? Is it some diabolical scheme?"

Wario looked back at her curiously. He then replied, "Don't be stupid. What could we do with diapers? We were just buying some for E. Gadd. Now go away and leave me alone."

"Oh come on Wario, you know I don't buy that," Mona said with a pout.

"Fine, they're for Waweegee," Wario sarcastically said.

Mona burst into laughter. After a moment she replied, "Oh good one! Really! Where did you come up with _that_! Waluigi needing diapers. I'll see you in them before him."

Wario looked confused then shrugged simply dismissing it. He turned back to glance over his plans then said, "Make a yourself useful and bring a me these supplies. I need this built soon. Waluigi and I need to go figure something out. Someone's giving us problems. I don't like it. They're a gonna learn not to a deal with Wario once we find out who!"

Mona gritted her teeth, angry at not finding something more useful than this, but she then smiled saying, "Gotcha boss. Talk to you later Wario." With that she left giving a wave.

Meanwhile, Peach was walking towards a certain house. She planned on visiting a certain subject of hers. Eventually she reached a shed like workhouse thing. She smiled then knocked daintily. "Coming! Hold on!" an old pleasant voice called. She heard stumbling and tripping. She cringed when she heard a loud crash.

She knocked again. "Professor Gadd! Oh!" she exclaimed as she jumped back when the door flew open.

"Yes, how may I help you? Who is it?" he asked. He adjusted his glasses then without giving her a chance to answer exclaimed, "Oh, Princess! It is an honor to have you visiting me! To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Peach recovered and smiled sweetly replying, "Well I was just wondering if Wario and Waluigi got the adult diapers to you all right yesterday."

"Wario and Waluigi? Adult diapers? Princess Peach I'm not sure whether to be fascinated or offended," he replied in genuine confusion.

Peach blushed then stammered, "O-oh, y-you don't use adult diapers?"

"Not for the reason you think," he replied.

"Well I'm terribly sorry to bother you Professor Gadd, it's just that Wario and Waluigi were buying some at the store. When we asked what they were for they told us they were for _you_," Peach explained.

"Well they lied then. They're probably for old man Crygor in Diamond city," Gadd said nodding firmly.

"I'm sorry sir, I'll let you get back to your work now," Peach said.

"Thank you my dear. Oh, if you see Luigi send him my way. I have something to show my apprentice," Gadd said nodding vigorously.

"I will," Peach confirmed. Gadd slammed the door. She heard a commotion as he headed back to his work area. She shook her head and muttered, "Sometimes I worry about that man." With that she turned on her heel and headed back to her castle puzzling over why Wario and Waluigi would lie about buying super absorbent diapers for Gadd. What were they planning, or hiding?"

Rosalina had watched this from her observatory. With help of her wand she heard it all, both what Peach and Mona had found out. "Crygor? Maybe I should check. Wario might not have wanted to embarrass his friend," Rosalina said to Polari.

"Playing detective seems to suit your four women," Polari said.

"It may be for the greater good. No telling what those two are planning," Rosalina said. She waved her wand over the screen to commence to spying on Crygor. She looked through his house like a security guard checking video surveillance. She found no sign of the diapers. Puzzled she turned her attention to Penny and Crygor.

"Grandpa, I'm amazed that you don't need bladder controlling products yet," Penny remarked after stretching with her grandfather.

"I'm still young on the inside Penny, and now younger on the outside too thanks to my last invention," Crygor replied.

"Well, that blows that theory out of the water," Rosalina said in an annoyed fashion, getting impatient that they had no clue what Wario and Waluigi were up to. She switched the 'screen' to another scene. "Let's see if Daisy can find out anything new."

Daisy was at the golf course playing a solo game and keeping her eyes open for Waluigi. On the ninth hole she spotted him practicing his putts and looking very depressed. She chuckled thinking, 'The poor freak is so crest-fallen. I actually feel sorry for him. Well, I'm supposed to be playing detective, so here I go. Awkward date coming up.' She picked up her ball then began walking towards Waluigi.

Waluigi heard an approach and looked up saying, "Eh?" He spotted Daisy crossing over to him.

"Hi Waluigi!" she cheerfully called waving.

Waluigi became guarded and self-conscious. "What do you want flower girl?" he snidely asked.

"Well I spotted you playing alone, and I had no partner, so I figured I'd ask if you'd like to join me for golf," she replied batting her eyelashes.

Waluigi began to smell something, blushed, then grinned nervously and said, "Uh, be right back." With that he bolted.

Daisy was completely confused. "Huh? What gives? There was a time he would have done anything to play a round with me. Something's up here." She smirked and looked at the sky calling, "Maybe way, _way_ up hey Rosalina!"

From above Rosalina harrumphed and turned her nose up looking away, not quite in disgust, but not quite liking the insinuation either. "As far as I'm concerned Waluigi's fixed on Daisy," she complained to Polari.

Waluigi soon came back saying, "Now, about that game, maybe right now isn't the best..."

She cut him off linking her arm through his and saying, "Nonsense! Come on! It'll be fun! You know, fun? Haven't you always wanted an opportunity like this?"

"W-well, I-I..." Waluigi began, desperately looking for a way out of this mess.

"Of course you have," Daisy interrupted stopping at the ninth hole. She grabbed Waluigi's golf ball and placed it down saying, "You start."

Waluigi nervously looked at her then focused down the link. He wound up then struck with all his might. It soared towards the flag. He watched in suspense as it seemed to be a hole in one! He would make a hole in one! He was grinning! There it went! The moment was ruined, though, when Daisy wrinkled her nose saying, "Whoa, Waluigi, you're getting as bad as Wario."

Waluigi's grin fell to shock. He then lowered the club, hunched his back, and began to grumble and walk away. "Stupid princesses," he murmured.

"Wait, Waluigi, don't get mad! I'm used to it from playing against Wario! I didn't mean it in a bad way! I was just teasing!" Daisy called, ticked off that she wasn't getting anything from him that would hint as to what he and Wario were up to.

"You can wait a bit princess!" Waluigi barked viciously. She pulled back in surprise at the sharp tone. Few had spoken to her like that and gotten away with it. Had he lost his self-preservation instinct or was he just in a nothing to lose mood?

"Now wait a minute..." she began.

He viciously whirled and shouted, "Look sister, I'm a not Luigi! I'm a no pushover! I beat Bowser with one kick! I don't care if you did it with a slap! Don't mess with me right now!"

"How dare you..." Daisy began.

Waluigi put up his hand saying, "Ah, just be quiet and wait! Then ask me for whatever favor you want to ask! After all, why would you even look at me let alone play golf unless you wanted something!" Daisy lunged forward, but Waluigi suddenly summoned wind knocking her far away. He then turned on his heel and headed for the bathrooms.

Daisy didn't know whether to be outraged, impressed at the power of the wind, or both. She settled on both. She wanted to leave badly, but she needed information. Peach and the girls were counting on her. They were meeting at Peach's castle tonight to discuss what they'd each found out. How would _she_ look if she came back with nothing? So she waited, and waited. Finally she saw Waluigi approaching. "About time!" she shot.

"I thought you'd a be gone by now," Waluigi grumbled.

"You are so rude and arrogant!" Daisy barked.

"Thank you, now what do you want?" Waluigi said skipping right to the point.

Daisy gritted her teeth but said nothing to belittle him. She soon sighed then answered, "What are you and Wario _really_ up to?"

"None of your business," Waluigi retorted.

"Please Waweegie," Daisy said, opting to beg rather then turn him off with a demand.

It worked. Waluigi rolled his eyes after grumbling then replied, "Someone tried to poison us with some weird plant thing. I...I mean Wario, was hardly out of the bathroom for days. He could hardly control himself."

"Ew," Daisy remarked.

"Mm, hmm, so when it cleared up he called me in and told me he wanted to get back at whoever did it by giving them the same problem that plant gave him. We just need to find out who it was, feed them the plant secretly, then leave the diapers as a sort of trademark," Waluigi smoothly lied.

Daisy looked into his eyes trying to read them. He was a good liar, she would give him that, she believed him, or would have, but something about him still didn't ring true. She sighed. Maybe she was imagining things. She'd tell the other girls about it then see if they thought she was overreacting. "Fine, I can live with that."

"Good, can I go now?" he asked.

"What you don't want to finish our game?" Daisy coldly asked. "After all, I asked, I should be obligated to tough it out."

"I'm not in the mood today. Things are _not_ going my way at all recently," Waluigi replied. With that he started walking towards the far away hole where his ball was. Daisy waited until he was walking off before she too picked up and left.

The girls sat around Peach's table. "So let's start sharing what we learned," Peach said. "Who wants to start?"

Mona said quickly, "Ooh, ooh, me!"

"Okay, go," Peach said.

"Well, when I asked Wario about it he stuck to the E. Gadd thing. I tried to press him more. He got annoyed then sarcastically told me they were for Waluigi."

Peach burst into laughter. Daisy's mouth began twitching, but she tried not to laugh. Rosalina shook her head with a roll of her eyes and a smile. "Wario's becoming a worse liar than ever!" Peach finally said.

"I agree. If Waluigi ever had to deal with _that_, the poor thing couldn't handle it," Rosalina said.

"Poor thing indeed," Daisy said.

"Anyway," Mona continued, "I pressed him more and Wario still stuck by E. Gadd, but he mentioned that a teleportation device he was building was going to be used by him and Waluigi to get revenge on someone who was giving them problems."

"Hey, Waluigi mentioned something like that too," Daisy said.

"Really, continue then, I'm done," Mona said in vague surprise. "Well, he said that Wario had eaten a strange edible looking plant he'd found and it had wreaked havoc with his bladder. He hardly left the toilet for days hardly able to control himself. He said when it cleared up Wario called him in and told him he wanted revenge, that he was going to find out who did it and sneak the plant into _his_ food. Him and Waluigi planned on leaving the diapers as a trademark to him in Waluigi's version though. Still, something doesn't seem right. Sure it seems to confirm their story, but I think the diapers for a friend are more believable. Maybe E. Gadd really is..."

"Not possible," Peach interrupted.

"What do you mean?" Rosalina asked.

"I talked to E. Gadd. He said he wasn't having problems like that and basically that Wario and Waluigi were full of it. It was embarrassing, but he was genuinely confused. Maybe Crygor..." she said.

"Not a factor anymore," Rosalina cut in. "I spied on him and his granddaughter. For some reason they were talking about it. He isn't having problems. He said he was still young and fit on the inside."

"Since his last grand invention younger outside too," Mona said.

"Then we're back where we started. All we know is that Wario and Waluigi are lying about buying the diapers for a friend," Peach said dismayed.

"No, we know that someone's causing them trouble and that they plan revenge that might include the diapers, but even that's uncertain," Daisy replied. "I can't get over the feeling that's only part of it. Am I crazy?"

"I agree," Rosalina reassured.

"Something big is going on that they don't want anyone knowing about. We need to get to the bottom of it," Peach declared.

"Have we told the Mario bros?" Mona asked.

Peach smiled answering, "I'm writing a letter tonight. They'll hear about it tomorrow morning."


	4. The Search For Answers Begins

'Bad Luck'

_Part 4_

Waluigi sulked into the house looking down at the ground in an unbelievably depressed way. Wario heard him enter then said, "There you are stupid. I'm a trying to think of who put that thing into our yard and came up with this list." With that he shoved it at Waluigi.

Waluigi raised an eyebrow but nonetheless looked it over reading: Mario, Captain Syrup, Bowser. Waluigi looked incredulously at him and asked, "You call this a list?"

"Yeah, so deal with it. Like you said, Mario and Captain Syrup are the ones I always blame, but I'm beginning to suspect Bowser might have had something to do with it," Wario said.

"Why?" Waluigi asked.

"Never mind. Let's a go see Captain Maple Syrup first. I can't see Mario being much of a candidate," Wario said.

"Wha! No way! I'd just as soon avoid Syrup anyway. The crazy love sick woman is driving me insane," Waluigi replied. "Her and her stupid crush on me. You just _had_ to introduce us, didn't you? I said no, you said yes."

"Not my fault she has bad taste," Wario replied.

"Bad taste! Why you..." Waluigi growled preparing to attack, but after a moment he got a hold of himself saying, "Never mind. Let's get going tomorrow morning."

The ship and pirate's den was surrounded by fog as the two brothers wandered up to it. They heard sea chanteys and laughter coming from the area. They crept up behind a rock then looked over. "How did a you know where she was?" Waluigi questioned in a whisper.

"Two reasons. One, she steals my treasure over and over so it's a only right to watch her. Two, it gives me a way to torment you whenever I want. I'll a say hey Waluigi, let's a go for a walk to find treasure, I lead you here; she's a all over you. Understand now?" Wario replied.

Waluigi was scowling viciously at him, mustache shaking. However he then stopped scowling to look surprised then blush as he smelled and felt he'd done it again. He growled as Wario crinkled his nose then stalked away saying, "I'll a be back."

"You're worse than me!" Wario quietly called after him.

Wario waited. Soon he began to get restless, then worried. He looked towards the woods calling, "Hey, Wally!"

"What?" Waluigi asked from right beside him. Wario cried out in fear, or almost did. Waluigi covered his mouth then rolled his eyes.

"There you are. What took you?" Wario asked.

Waluigi answered, "It was bad." Waluigi then leaned on the rock, arms folded, looking sullenly at the ship bobbing on the waves. Wario raised an eyebrow at his brother's demeanor, but decided to let it go. He looked around the rock. Suddenly Waluigi said, "I can't take this Wario. It's a too much for me to handle."

"Don't worry, we'll find who did this and get the cure, then I can go wallow in my awesomeness," Wario replied.

"Mario said it was permanent though," Waluigi whined. "Besides, even if we cure this it's only one part of the problem."

"Mario's an idiot," Wario bluntly said. Waluigi sighed figuring it was hopeless.

Suddenly a woman's voice asked, "What's permanent?" Waluigi leapt into the air with a cry of horror as Syrup popped her head up right in front of him, inches from his face! Waluigi scampered backwards behind Wario. "Hi Waluigi," she said flirtatiously.

"Get away from me!" Waluigi yelled as she leapt over the rock, arms open, coldness in her gaze.

Wario stepped in front of Waluigi blocking Syrup. She frowned angrily at him. "Not now Syrup, we're a here on important business!"

"Do tell," she said, winking at Waluigi.

"You left us a little gift in my yard, didn't you!" Wario demanded.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Syrup replied looking at her nails.

"A mushroom thing that made a person lose control of their bladder!" Wario continued.

She paused a moment in surprise at this, but then burst into laughter doubling over! "W-Wario, no! Really! You were bad enough as it was!" she cried out through laughter making Waluigi turn red.

"Not me stupid," Wario growled, "Wa..."

Waluigi leapt up covering Wario's mouth before he could leak the secret, then said, "Well it's a obvious you don't have a clue what we're a talking about, so we'll just get going."

"Aw, so soon?" Syrup pouted. "No run ins with my crew, or preferably me?"

"Not today sister," Waluigi growled as he dragged Wario away yet still kept him in between Syrup and himself.

"Come visit soon, or I may have to steal your brother's treasure again to lure you in!" Syrup called, purposely trying to get to Waluigi.

"Don't a count on it," Waluigi grumbled as he and Wario headed back.

"You didn't get proof she was innocent," Wario growled.

"I'll a take my chances. It was obvious to me that she didn't expect to hear that," Waluigi retorted.

They were sitting in Wario's living room now. Wario then said, "Well we might as well cross Mario off of the list. I've thought about what you said, and you're usually right about things. You know, he was the doctor, why would he do it, blah, blah, blah, whatever you said."

"About time you admitted I was right," Waluigi grumbled.

"Besides, I'm beginning to suspect Bowser," Wario continued.

"Why is that?" Waluigi asked.

"Because I saw a giant koopa footprint outside in the yard," Wario explained, "But that's hardly enough proof."

Waluigi slapped his own forehead then shot, "Wario, who else could it be! You have no proof of Mario or Syrup! Bowser's footprints are in your yard, where did they lead? Right to where you picked the plant from!"

"Yes," Wario replied.

Waluigi shook his head and sighed. "Then this is Bowser's doing!" Waluigi shot.

"Well if you want to be judgmental," Wario sulked. "Fine, we'll check out Bowser."

"Good! We go this afternoon!" Waluigi shot.

Sure enough, at noon the two were heading towards Wario's teleportation device. Unknown to them, however, two figures were watching them. "Where are they going?" the tall green one asked.

"I don't a know Luigi," the short plump red one replied.

"Mario, I don't like this," Luigi said.

"The girls don't know the part only I do, but they think something else is going on too," Mario said.

"I can't wait to deal with Bowser for planting that stupid thing in my yard," Wario growled.

Mario gasped thinking, 'The plant that Waluigi ate? They think Bowser planted it. I'll a buy that.'

"They're after Bowser!" Luigi exclaimed. "What plant did he grow to get them so angry?"

"That, Luigi, is the comic part I'm a not allowed to tell you or anyone. The part I just said only I know," Mario replied.

"The girls wrote they didn't believe it," Luigi said.

"They partly didn't. Once more the answer to their mystery is the comic part, but if they dig deep enough... I hope Waluigi covers his tracks well," Mario replied.

"With them on the trail I doubt he'll be able to keep it quiet for long Mario," Luigi replied.

"Let's a leave them be. Maybe Waluigi will finally tell Wario," Mario said. "We'll act like we've gone away after them or that they've lost us."

"Fine," Luigi agreed. The two turned in time to see their cousins disappear inside the teleportation device.


	5. Bowser's Castle

'Bad Luck'

_Part 5_

Wario and Waluigi landed on the outskirts of Bowser's land. They looked towards the castle scowling then nodded at each other with evil grins and chuckles. "Let's a go," Wario declared as he hurried on.

Waluigi looked around at the area feeling a shiver then noticed that Wario was far ahead. "Wait for me!" he called as he hurriedly followed.

The two neared the gates. Wario noticed Waluigi glancing often at him then back at the castle, then around, then back to him. He sensed Waluigi wanted to say something. Strange, he wasn't usually quiet about speaking his mind. Oh well. Wario decided to count the times they'd had to stop for Waluigi. He cringed thinking, 'Thirty in only forty minutes. It's a getting worse.' Bowser was going to pay for this attempt.

Suddenly Waluigi spoke saying, "Wario..."

Wario waited for him to continue. When he didn't he glanced over asking, "What do you want?"

Waluigi hesitated then replied, "What would you do, or say, if I told you that..."

Waluigi trailed off. Suspiciously Wario asked, "What? What did you do?"

Waluigi sighed then replied, "It's a not what _I_ did. What would you say if I told you someone, or some people attacked me and I lost?"

"What a wimp," Wario simply replied.

"No... Not that... It's... Never mind," Waluigi said.

"Did you really lose a fight?" Wario asked.

"What would you say if the person had severely hurt me?" Waluigi challenged, avoiding the question.

Wario paused in his walking to scowl at his brother. "How severe are we talking?"

"Just answer the question," Waluigi impatiently said.

"Three questions. First, how severe Walu!" he yelled suddenly, seizing Waluigi's overalls. He then released him asking calmer, "Second, how many? Third, did it really happen or is this an imagine situation? If it is you'll a be lucky if I don't kick you back to Mushroom Kingdom."

"I just want an answer! It's a none of your business!" Waluigi yelled back.

"I'm a your brother!" Wario shot. "You're way cooler brother who doesn't need your help on anything, but still your brother!"

"Fine, severe enough to permanently scar me! No it is not an imagined scene! How many, I'm not sure. It seemed like one yet like many at the same time. That night I stumbled in before I ate that food of yours I found, that's when it happened! No I won't go into detail, suck it up! It's humiliating enough as it is!" Waluigi replied.

"What!" Wario yelled. "Who was it! Who in their right mind would attack _you_! Your _Wario's_ brother! I'm a the only one cool enough to beat you up! Besides, you destroy anyone who gets on your nerves! I'll a rip him to pieces!"

"You can't," Waluigi replied in a meek voice.

"Why not!" Wario demanded. "Did you beat me to it?"

"No... I couldn't. No one could," Waluigi replied.

"Who Wally!" Wario ordered.

"None of your business," Waluigi replied in a grumble.

"Who was it Waweegee?" Wario asked in a softer tone.

"If you're ready to kill him _now_ be glad I didn't go into detail," Waluigi replied.

"What did he do!" Wario asked.

"Forget it!" Waluigi retorted as he hurried on towards Bowser's castle. "You're pushing your luck Wario! Keep quiet from now on. I just know whoever they, or it, was, they can't be killed!" Waluigi added, calling back.

Wario looked after his brother viciously, but then looked behind him with a nervous look. Why wasn't Waluigi talking to him? He didn't like this, not at all. He looked ahead then hurried to keep up to his little brother.

"Your nastiness, Wario and Waluigi are approaching the castle!" Kamek suddenly exclaimed as he barged into Bowser's office with Kammy.

"What! How did they find out!" Bowser demanded.

"Well it was rather wet and you do leave big footprints," Kammy reasoned.

Bowser looked at them blankly then said, "Point taken. Curse the rain."

"What should we do?" Kamek asked.

"Stop them!" Bowser roared. The two magikoopas scattered in alarm at his tone.

The two drew near the palace walls. They were at the draw bridge. They were almost at the door! But just then they heard all too familiar cackling and looked up. "Oh no," Wario said.

"Not them again," Waluigi lamented.

"Well if it isn't the Wario bros," Kammy cackled.

"Sorry Wicked Bros, but Lord Bowser has ordered us to keep you from entering," Kamek said.

"Lord Bowser can deal with it!" Wario shot. "Let us passed! We have a score to settle with him!"

"We're afraid that's impossible," the two magikoopas answered. With that they blasted their wands at the two striking them!

They leapt into the air crying out in pain then raced around each other crying, "Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot!" Soon they stopped.

"That's a it! I want a cure for this and I'll a get it!" Waluigi shouted daggers in his eyes.

"Wait, _you_?" Kammy asked in surprise.

"It was supposed to be Wario," Kamek added looking at Kammy in confusion and worry.

"Oh, I took this blow for my brother by complete accident," Waluigi said casually as if it didn't matter. "Great!" he shouted right after, instantly breaking the effect.

"Now that I think about it, I did think something was off about that food..." Wario thought. His eyes lit up and he exclaimed in realization, "Oh yeah, that's a what I was about to tell you when I called for you to wait right before you ate a bite!"

"What!" Waluigi screamed in fury. Just then he saw Kammy and Kamek use their wands again. He shoved Wario out of the way along with himself then rose saying, "I'll a deal with you later! Right now it's Waluigi time!"

With that he summoned the wind that looked like water and swam up to the two magikoopas bouncing off each of their heads. They cried out in pain then disappeared. Wario took the opportunity to charge the door, Waluigi following. Wario hit it then went back for another charge. Waluigi looked back and saw Kammy and Kamek appear again. "Let's end this Kamela," Kamek growled.

"I couldn't agree more," she answered.

"Uh, Wario, hurry up!" Waluigi shouted.

"Distract them! This door is hard to break down!" Wario retorted going in for a third blow. Waluigi groaned then raced towards the two.

"Hey, down here!" he called, waving his arms. They were distracted by him and began to attack. Waluigi ran though. They followed his every move. Once in a while he turned in time to jump on their heads, but he started running instantly after.

They were almost on him! Wario still hadn't broken down the door though he was close to it! Waluigi looked back at his pursuers then tripped crying out in alarm. They cackled as they were about to descend on him, but right before they reached his cowering form they froze smelling the air. "Oh man, you weren't kidding!" Kamek exclaimed in disgust, holding his nose.

"The effects are worse than we imagined!" Kammy gasped. "Let's get out of here!" With that the two disappeared.

Waluigi gaped after them. Wario had heard this, even stopping his assault on the gate to listen. He then came up to his brother saying, "Good work. Here you go." With that he handed Waluigi the adult diapers. Waluigi burst into sobs and sulked away. Wario actually felt full on pity for him now. "Poor Walu can't take this," he said aloud to nothing as he shook his head. He then charged the gate once more breaking it open. As he did, Waluigi came back up hunched up in humiliation, sniffing. In a comforting, well, a Wario comforting, way, Wario said, "It's a not so bad Waweegee. We'll a find Bowser, kick his butt, then get the cure or some information, then you'll be back to your normal, pompous, sulky, self."

"I wish," Waluigi sighed deeply as he dragged his feet passed his brother into the castle. "Once this is over and we've proved there's a no cure I'm a never leaving the house again."

"Oh heck no! You _have_ a house! I can't deal with you twenty four seven!" Wario shot. "We're fixing this!"

"Really?" Waluigi asked in a childlike way that caught Wario off guard.

"Uh, yeah," Wario declared in response, trying to comfort his brother.

"Even though I know you're wrong, I hope you're right," Waluigi replied in a depressed tone.

Kamek and Kammy returned to Bowser coughing and gagging. "What's going on!" Bowser demanded. "What happened!"

Gasping in the fresh air Kammy replied, "Your Evilness, Waluigi's the one who ate the Bean Mushroom!"

"Waluigi! No! That wasn't in the plan!" Bowser roared.

"They've breached the castle gates. We fought, but they used gas!" Kamek exaggerated, trying to get them some leniency for their failure.

"Understandable," Bowser replied, much to their surprise. "At least you got away."

"Your Koopaliness, we never knew you cared," Kammy said.

"I don't," Bowser replied. He wasn't joking. "That fate would have just been too horrible for even you two," Bowser added.

"Thank you your nastiness," Kamek said bowing his head.

"Well, if they've breached the castle let them come to me. I'll deal with them myself. I've smelled all there is to be smelled," Bowser declared. Kammy and Kamek looked uncertainly at each other highly doubting that Bowser would be prepared for what was coming.

Wario and Waluigi made their way through the castle fairly quickly for two men who had hardly gone on adventures. Of course Wario took care of most of the enemies. Waluigi was too busy brooding, and after seeing how his little brother had dealt with one dry bones, well, Wario wasn't inclined to let him get his hands on any other enemies. Not even _they_ deserved Waluigi's punishment.

Finally the two burst through the doors, Wario calling, "Bowser!"

Bowser jumped from his throne to face them saying, "You called? Wario, Waluigi, it's about time you joined me. This is going to be fun."

"You're a dead man!" Waluigi screamed in fury. He lunged, but Wario desperately threw out his arm holding Waluigi back.

"Easy Waluigi, we don't know what he's capable of!" Wario warned.

"I don't care! Look what he did to me! Besides, Mario and Luigi handle him easily enough!" Waluigi retorted. Waluigi suddenly caught Bowser preparing to breathe fire. He gasped then warned, "Jump!"

Wario looked over in time to catch the attack. Both managed to avoid the flame. Angry now, Wario charged at his quarry knocking him onto his back. He then grabbed Bowser's tail and swung him around and around in circles. "Waluigi, go!" he called as he tossed the Koopa King towards Waluigi. Waluigi drew out his tennis racket and maliciously prepared to strike. Pow! Bowser flew into a wall losing a health.

"Take that your grouchiness!" Waluigi taunted, mimicking Kamek and Kammy.

Bowser jumped up with a roar then dug his claws into the ground drawing out a boulder. He sent it flying at the two brothers. Wario and Waluigi managed to move out of the way. Wario then picked up the rock and tossed it back making Bowser loose another health. "Oh yeah, Wario rules!" he exclaimed.

"Let a me have the last hit bro," Waluigi begged.

Wario hesitated remembering the dry bones and that Bowser had kids then grumbled, "Fine."

Bowser charged at the two again. This time, though, Waluigi viciously began to stomp on him before he could do anything! Stomp! "What..." Stomp! "was..." Stomp! "that..." Stomp! "plant I ate!"

"Stop, stop! I give up!" Bowser exclaimed, begging for mercy.

Waluigi stopped then bent down grabbing the Koopa King's horns. Viciously he growled, "And where is the cure?"

Just then he felt something that completely spoiled the effect he was going for. Bowser crinkled his nose and cried out in disgust, "Oh what is that! I thought I'd smelt it all, but that is bad! Did the Bean Mushroom really work that well!"

Waluigi grumbled, moustache twitching, then yelled, "It was a mixed with a poison mushroom!"

"Oh, well that's different!" Bowser retorted. "If you'd just eaten the Bean Mushroom your condition would have only lasted five months to five years. With a poison mushroom that time doubles to ten months to ten years."

"But, this is permanent, so the doctor said," Wario mentioned in confusion.

Bowser froze and shot a sharp glance at Wario and Waluigi, who after the confession had let his horns go and went beside Wario. "Permanent?" he asked in disbelief. He then muttered looking slightly concerned, "Well that's not good."

"What do you mean? What makes it permanent!" Wario demanded. Bowser looked at Waluigi in uncertainty. It was with that gaze that Waluigi knew the answer. He gasped then made slashing motions trying to signal to Bowser to keep quiet.

Bowser frowned at Waluigi then said, "I didn't think even you could sink so low as to not tell him."

"Tell me what?" Wario asked.

Bowser looked at Wario with a mix of satisfaction, pity, and apology answering, "Using Ludwig's words, damage to the anal sphincters received in not so many different ways. By the way Waluigi's acting I'm guessing it's not just constipation or nerve damage. That leaves only the more unpleasant way. You're not..."

"No!" Waluigi shouted, furious he'd even suggest it. He quickly covered his mouth though.

"Then what must you have gone through?" Bowser asked actually sounding border line sympathetic.

"What, what!" Wario asked.

"Nothing!" Waluigi shot.

Bowser had by now freed himself. He looked solemnly at Waluigi saying, "Tell him."

"Shut up! Is there a cure or not!" Waluigi demanded.

Bowser thought a moment then answered, "Not that I can think of." Waluigi began to twitch crazily. Wario cringed at the news looking at his brother with slight concern and sympathy. "Maybe your friend Rosalina..."

"She's not my girlfriend!" Waluigi defended.

"Uh, Wally, he said friend," Wario said.

"Oh..." Waluigi said tightly, blushing deeply.

"As I was saying, maybe she can help you. She has power," Bowser continued.

"Are you a crazy!" Waluigi barked. "Let's a go Wario! I'll just live the rest of my life in solitude and social unacceptance locked in my room away from the world! Plus, I need to change." With that he stalked off, his back hunched pathetically. Wario sympathetically shook his head then followed.

"Who was it Waluigi!" Bowser called.

Waluigi shot him a dirty look and chose not to answer passed saying, "It was more than one!"

"More than one of what?" Wario whined.

"Never mind," Waluigi replied sullenly, tears of humiliation in his eyes. Wario was startled. Waluigi never had tears in his eyes, like, ever.


	6. The Walls Come Tumbling Down

'Bad Luck'

_Part 6_

Two weeks had passed since the Bowser adventure. Wario came home from work one day to see Waluigi slumped in front of the TV on a chair eating his eggplant chips. He'd hardly been away from the washroom recently. Wario shook his head then said, "Waweegee, you've a got to get out of the house. Go to the sports fields, drive a car, do something."

"No," Waluigi pouted. "I have no interest in anything anymore."

"What about your piranha plants at your home?" Wario asked, eyes brightening with the idea.

Waluigi moaned then replied, "I haven't touched them in two weeks. They rejected me too. They found ways to move on their own. My house has a been overrun by them. I've been sleeping on this couch two weeks too. I don't bother with my room. The bathroom isn't nearby."

"I bring you your meals, so that means..." Wario thought a moment. His eyes widened in horror as he realized the meaning. He exclaimed, "You haven't left this couch for a whole two weeks except to go to the bathroom!"

"Uh, yeah," Waluigi replied.

"That does it, we're a going to see the doctor! We need to find you a cure!" Wario shot.

He went to the couch and tried to pry Waluigi from it, but Waluigi, in a panic, dropped the bowl of eggplant flavored chips and clung to the armrest screaming like a child, "No! I don't wanna go! No! Leave me alone!"

"Let-go-of-the-couch-Walu!" Wario yelled grunting as he tried to pry his brother from his nest sanctuary. Finally he yanked Waluigi free of it and carried him like a sack of potatoes to the car. Waluigi never stopped complaining, screaming, and demanding to be let go. Wario literally had to tie him to the passenger seat. Now Wario was in a bad mood too.

The whole drive to Mario and Luigi's house was spent in silence, both brothers simply grumbling to themselves about their personal woes. The part that shut Wario up, though, was when he clearly heard Waluigi say the words, "Assault," Eventually he heard, "Kill myself." Soon after he listened to Waluigi mumble, "Suicide seems viable to me. _My_ life isn't going anywhere. Wario will a get over it." Wario was glad he'd hidden the pills that had been in the washroom. From Wario's sudden silence Waluigi guessed he'd heard. The younger bit his tongue and shut up.

Wario got out of the car and knocked on the door. To his surprise it was Mona who answered! "Mona!" Wario exclaimed in shock.

"Oh hi Wario! Girls, Mario, Luigi, it's Wario!" Mona called back.

Mario and Luigi both choked on their sodas then leapt up running for the door. The other three girls were already there. "Uh, why's Waluigi tied up in the passenger seat?" Daisy asked.

"He's been having some, err, problems," Wario replied.

"I haven't seen him for two weeks. He's just disappeared. It's weird seeing him now," Peach said in awe.

"Uh, Wario, my, err, problem, is bugging me again!" Waluigi called.

"I'll help you!" Rosalina replied starting forward.

"Wa! No!" Waluigi exclaimed.

Quickly Mario rushed forward blocking the way to the car. "Uh, Luigi, get them some snacks and drinks! I'll deal with all of this!"

"Huh, oh, right!" Luigi replied. "After you ladies," he said bowing. The four girls looked suspiciously at each other then entered. Luigi cringed then followed. Mario went up to the car as Wario lifted Waluigi out of it.

"Into the woods over there," Mario said pointing. Wario nodded then followed Mario, carrying Waluigi.

The women had gone there to try and pry information from the Mario bros. After all, who knew their cousins better than them? They were arch rivals and family. Mario had greeted them expressing his genuine surprise and pleasure. Luigi was delighted with the company too. That was short lived, for the moment that Daisy opened with a question as to what was up with the Wicked Wario bros, the two Mario brothers shut up. They refused to answer questions and tried to avoid them. The girls, however, had seen that Mario was having trouble keeping quiet. Mario, of course, knew that the reason for that was because he knew more than all of them. Luigi only had to deal with one secret. He had to deal with keeping the other secret quiet from both the girls and Luigi without seeming too contradictory. Mario and Luigi hadn't let the girls out of their sight. It was a good thing too. They'd nailed it when they guessed that the women wanted to snoop around without being watched.

This, now, served as an opportunity. Luigi busied himself with getting the refreshments. The girls looked casually around pretending not to care. Luigi was humming an Italian tune. Daisy couldn't help but perk her ear at the sound. She liked his voice. She liked it very much. Peach saw opportunity in this. She whispered to a currently star struck Daisy, "Keep him busy. One of us will sneak out and look around for clues. The Mario bros know more than they're telling."

"Hmm? Oh, okay," Daisy answered blushing. The four nodded at each other then Daisy casually sauntered up beside Luigi. He paused in his humming to glance at her. "Err, hey, Luigi, what was that song you were humming?" Daisy asked.

Luigi blushed deeply and exclaimed, "I was humming out loud? I'm a sorry princess!"

"No!" she exclaimed suddenly, making him jump as well as her. "I-I mean I-I liked it. Y-you have a beautiful voice."

"R-r-really?" Luigi asked scratching the back of his head while blushing.

"Yeah," Daisy answered, getting braver. "Please, sing the words for me..." Luigi cleared his throat and looked back at the refreshments. "Well?" Daisy prompted.

He glanced at her incredulously and asked, "You're serious?"

"Of course," Daisy replied sincerely. She really _did_ want to hear.

"Uh, okay..." he said. He cleared his throat then gently began to sing the words. Daisy shut her eyes relishing the sound. She loved every note, every sound. She'd quite forgotten the reason she was doing this. Only his singing was registering in her mind. Unintentionally she began to hum along, then mimic the words as well as she could.

Meanwhile Peach asked, "Who's going, Mona, me, or Rosalina?"

Rosalina replied, "I want to check on what Wario, Mario, and Waluigi are doing. They should be in here by now. Something's up."

"I'll explore," Mona declared.

"All right, but Rosalina, we might want to wait a little longer before you go spy," Peach remarked.

Rosalina smiled, sensing the true reason. "Peach, you don't have to do nothing. Look around this kitchen Mario might have prescriptions or something around that belongs to Wario, Waluigi, or some other client."

"You're right!" Peach agreed. "Let's go." Quickly the three spread apart.

Mona walked throughout the house looking under cushions, in any sort of container she could think of, and under virtually anything for a clue. She'd even gone upstairs and dared to pass into dangerous waters by bravely going where hardly anyone dared to go, Luigi's room. There was nothing, but she now had a completely new view of Luigi. One that had made her twitch for a moment. She headed back to the kitchen defeated, but then she noticed the door to the basement. 'Maybe... no, basements are where you keep extra junk, but then Mario's a doctor and I haven't found a doctors table anywhere else,' she thought. She looked towards the kitchen. She listened for Luigi's singing, heard it, took a deep breath, then entered the basement.

Meanwhile, Rosalina had stealthily slinked outside. She saw that Waluigi was no longer in the car. She raised an eyebrow then went over to look for clues. She saw footprints heading towards the forest then followed curiously. She reached the woods after a while then looked up listening for any sound. Suddenly she picked out voices. "That was a disgusting. Now, how's a he been?" Mario asked.

"It's getting worse, way worse," Wario solemnly replied.

Waluigi sobbed saying, "I don't a know how much more of this pain I can take."

Rosalina gasped. Waluigi was sick! From the tone of their voices it sounded like it was bad, really bad, maybe terminal! Was Waluigi going to die? Wario spoke again saying in a desperate sounding tone, "There's a got to be a cure doc! There's gotta be!"

"No, not for this. All there is, is therapy and some medicines to help keep it in a little more control," Mario answered.

"I've a tried both," Waluigi whined. "I stole some of the medicines from a store! They haven't worked!"

"I a thought you hadn't left the couch for two weeks," Wario said.

"I stole them from Mario the day I learned about it," Waluigi answered.

He hadn't left the couch for two weeks! Rosalina gasped on hearing this bit of news. This was worse than she'd ever imagined! But why the adult diapers? Maybe Waluigi was sick of Wario and made him get them. Or maybe, maybe this sickness he had, made him so weak he couldn't go to the bathroom properly. Oh poor Waluigi! No wonder he'd been so isolated! She sobbed then hurried back towards Mario's house to tell the other girls.

Mario, Wario, and Waluigi looked up at the sound of a cracking twig. Mario didn't miss Waluigi's terrified expression. Remembering what he'd found out and what Waluigi had told him, Mario felt protective of his little cousin. He wished he could get his hands on the attackers. He wished Waluigi would tell Wario. "You wish Waluigi would tell me what?" Wario asked. Mario realized in horror that he'd said it out loud. Waluigi was scowling viciously at Mario.

Nervously Mario chuckled then replied, "Uh, n-nothing."

"Uh huh," Wario said, unbelieving. He turned to Waluigi saying, "Tell me what? Does this have to do with the questions you were asking me on our way to Bowser's castle?"

"It's none of your business, now untie me and leave me alone!" Waluigi shouted back.

"How about I leave you alone and don't untie you! You can spend a night in the forest!" Wario shot back.

Mario gasped. Waluigi looked suddenly terrified, the night of the attack coming back in full detail. Wario was stunned at the reaction. "Wario!" Mario shot in warning. Waluigi was gazing helplessly up at him, tears in his eyes, whether of anger or whatever else Wario didn't know. He just knew that this wasn't right. Waluigi never got emotional.

Wario felt suddenly out of place, like everyone else knew something he didn't. He hated this feeling. Wario looked nervously at Waluigi asking, "What's a going on? What are you two hiding?"

Mario looked pityingly at Waluigi and said, "I think you should tell him..."

"No," Waluigi said meekly, as if he weren't certain anymore.

"He was mumbling about killing himself!" Wario betrayed to Mario.

"What!" Mario gasped. He then looked hard at Waluigi saying, "Waluigi, this is ridiculous! Tell him, tell someone! You need help! If you won't I will!"

"Not if you want to have Luigi around for a long time to come," Waluigi retorted, but it was weak and unconvincing.

"Waluigi, you're contemplating suicide," Mario seriously said.

"No I'm a not! Imagining how much less humiliating it would be isn't contemplating!" Waluigi vehemently insisted. Mario and Wario merely frowned down at him, their gazes piercing him through. Waluigi leaned back away from them and looked to the side trying to avoid their gazes and forget they were there.

Mona was looking through the patient files curiously. She knew this was completely illegal, but hey, she had a crooked boss, why couldn't she copy him and be crooked too? It was only once. Wario was bad twenty four seven. Finally she found Waluigi's file. She opened it and read slowly through. She saw the first entry and her eyes danced. "Oh! Oh no! This is too good!" she exclaimed through her laughter. "Waluigi! The poor sap! The other girls will die when they hear! He'll die when he finds out we know! That is so disgusting! The poor thing will be a social reject from now on!" She continued reading as she talked aloud, but her laughter was cut short when she read the next part. Her breath caught in her throat. She had to read and re-read the lines written down. When she was certain she hadn't misread it she lost all her senses. Without thinking she rushed up the stairs, embarrassment for ever laughing written all over her face.

In the forest Waluigi was opening his mouth uncertainly. Wario and Mario listened acutely for what he would say.

Peach was looking for a cupboard, the haunting yet beautiful Italian melody in the background, sung by Luigi and, after then tenth time Daisy had begged to hear it, Daisy joined him in an eerie duet. Then Peach saw a prescription bottle with Waluigi's name printed on. She glanced back then, satisfied Luigi was blissfully unaware of her presence now that Daisy held his attention, she read it. She covered her mouth quieting a gasp thinking, 'This medicine is for bowel problems. Uncontrolled bowel problems. Why would Waluigi...' Her thought process was cut off by the two others in the room with her.

"W-Wario, bro, I n-need to tell you something..." Waluigi began.

"That song is so beautiful. Where did you learn it?" Daisy asked Luigi after they'd finished it.

Luigi answered, "It was a song our parents used to sing to us."

"What do the words mean in English?" Daisy questioned. With that question Luigi smiled softly then did one of the most daring things he'd ever done. He leaned towards her and, lips brushing her ear, whispered the beautiful poetic translation. Daisy was left awestruck and blushing. Luigi pulled away, but she never noticed. In fact, she'd forgotten to watch him altogether, and that was a mistake.

"It's a not fair to keep it quiet from you, so here goes," Waluigi continued. With that he took a deep breath then began the tale. Wario's eyes steadily widened in horror and many other emotions. Misery, shock, disbelief, anger at Waluigi for not thinking he could tell his own big brother about this, anger at Waluigi's attacker, or attackers. The emotion that began to consume his mind the most though, was without a doubt unbridled hate and lust for revenge. A longing to tear the attackers to pieces along with hollow misery. Waluigi... How had he lived this long with that on his mind too? How could he have taunted him so cruelly? Been so cold that night he'd stumbled in. Maybe if he'd taken the time to bother being worried, maybe if he'd gone like Waluigi wanted him to... His brother looked so defiant gazing angrily away, but Wario saw it now as plain as day. He saw the misery and humiliation, the helplessness and longing for it all to just go away. It was too late now. Too late for Wario's regrets. Too late for his brother.

Luigi looked back to where the other three girls had been standing. He frowned, eyes becoming instantly worried. He looked towards a cupboard and saw Peach looking at him in shock, still holding the pill bottle. He saw Waluigi's name on it, though not the reason why. He noticed all too well that two women were absent. Stiffening up he began in a harsher than usual tone, "Hey, where's..." He was cut off when Daisy suddenly came to her senses. Alarmed she did the first thing that came to her mind. In fact the only thing that had been on her mind since Luigi had first hummed the song, and instantly seized his face turning his head to her and kissing him full on the lips! Luigi was shocked out of his mind promptly forgetting what he was asking.

That, however, was ruined when Mona burst into the kitchen at the same time Rosalina rushed in. Rosalina exclaimed, "There's something seriously wrong with Waluigi! He's sick! Very sick! It sounds as if he's dying!" Luigi gasped, paling. Had she figured that part out?

Mona cried out, "You're off on your guess sister!"

"This medicine is for uncontrollable bowels!" Peach butted in.

"No, you don't understand, well you do, but this is serious. It seems funny, but hear me out! Waluigi's permanently incontinent!" Mona exclaimed.

"What!" Luigi shouted in shock. "That was the comic part!" He laughed saying, "No wonder he threatened Mario with our lives if he told! The poor fool!"

"Incontinent?" Rosalina asked, tears drying. Peach looked disgusted. Daisy was getting there. It was in Rosalina's eyes, but Mona _had_ said to hear her out.

"No, I mean, yeah, but that's not all!" Mona continued. "Girls, Luigi, look at this!" Mona exclaimed, tears in her own eyes now.

"You found it..." Luigi said monotonously. "You went through Mario's files."

"They will pay for this..." Wario hissed viciously. He ripped the ropes from Waluigi then stormed towards the house. Mario sighed and shook his head. He looked at Waluigi who refused to look up. Waluigi had plastered his usual angry evil grimace on his face again though. Mario put a hand on his cousin's shoulder. Waluigi looked helplessly at him. Mario nodded.

Waluigi stuck back on the expression saying, "Let's a just forget about it. I won't let that ruin my life. I'll move on. The thing bothering me right now is the stupid problem I was saddled with!"

"Only you Waluigi," Mario said sullenly. The two quickly followed Wario.

"I'm sorry! We had to know! Now I wish we'd never pried," Mona said through cracking voice wiping her eyes. Worried now, the other three women went up to the file and read.

Rosalina was the first to gasp in horror and cover her mouth. Tears instantly appeared in her eyes. "No... No, no, no..." Rosalina said through tears.

"Oh my star spirits!" Daisy exclaimed in horror, sadness in her eyes, guilt for treating Waluigi like she had on the golf course, her voice sounded as if she were holding back her emotions.

Peach shook her head in denial. "Here? In the Mushroom Kingdom? No... How? Why? This has to be dealt with immediately! Whoever did this will pay!" She burst into tears then. Luigi watched solemnly. He'd already known about it. He had been right. The girls had dug too deep.

Right then the door burst open. Wario stormed in roaring in fury. Mario followed then Waluigi. "You never told me! Why not Wally! I could have dealt with them! I..."

"You couldn't have done anything to change what happened! You were at home eating!" Waluigi furiously retorted. "I _asked_ you to come! Remember, I said I thought something was off! I thought something bad was going to happen to me! I felt like something was watching me! You were busy stuffing your face with garlic, too busy to listen to me at all!"

Wario looked shocked as if a revelation had just come to him. His mouth dropped then he said in a tone of disbelief, "You're right... This is a my fault. Oh star spirits! Waluigi, I'm a sorry. I swear I'll make it up to you! I'll avenge you if it kills me!"

Waluigi slapped him snapping him out of his rising rant. "It's fine Wario! What's done is done." Just then the three noticed the four tearful women and a resigned Luigi.

"Oops," Wario said in complete shock.

Waluigi whirled on Mario yelling, "What did you a tell green bean!"

"N-nothing, j-just about the attack on you!" Mario swore.

"What happened to doctor patient confidentiality!" Waluigi shot.

"He would have found out Waluigi! You know I can't keep a secret that big!" Mario half half-halfheartedly defended. "Luigi can read anyone like a book! I never mentioned the comic part!"

"We know..." Daisy suddenly interrupted before a battle could break out. Waluigi, Wario, and Mario turned to her. Tears in her eyes she repeated, "We know Waluigi."

"We did some investigating. We thought you and Wario were up to something," Mona said meekly.

"We went over the line. We're sorry. Please forgive us," Peach more pleaded then asked.

"Why didn't you tell someone? Why did Mario have to find out the hard way? We could have been there for you," Rosalina softly said looking hurt.

He answered bitterly, "Hah, if you could stand the smell and disgust of it all. Besides, since when do you have the gall to call yourselves my friends? You all hate me."

"Whether or not we do is of no consequence!" Rosalina shot.

"No one should go through what you did and have to face it alone," Daisy said sincerely.

"I'm fine alone! I always have been! Can we drop the 'let's all pity Waluigi' act and focus on the comedy of it all?" Waluigi asked.

"No, Waluigi, we can't!" Luigi suddenly barked.

"No one asked you!" Waluigi retorted. He then smelled the air and screamed in fury. He stomped by all of them seizing the adult diapers from Wario.

"You don't have pills in there, do you?" Wario asked Mario.

"Of course I do. I'm a doctor," Mario replied. "Why?"

"Oh no reason, he was just thinking about committing suicide!" Wario yelled.

"What!" Rosalina gasped.

"Waluigi? Impossible! He cares too much about himself," Daisy exclaimed.

"He's also lost all control of his bladder. That was impossible too," Peach said.

After a pause Mona said for them all, "Point taken." She went to the bathroom door and knocked calling, "Waluigi!" No answer. She pulled away fearfully. The others looked nervous.

Wario walked up to the door then called, "Waluigi, if you don't a answer me in three seconds the door's coming down!"

"Waluigi, I'm hugging Rosalina!" Luigi called. Rosalina shot a confused look at him. He didn't seem to notice, for worry was present in his eyes. "If he a didn't answer to that..." Luigi began, but trailed off.

"Door's a coming down Walu!" Wario yelled. With that he charged it breaking it down. They all gasped. He was nowhere to be seen!

"The window!" Mario suddenly exclaimed pointing at it.

Wario rushed to it calling, "Waluigi, are you crazy! Your attackers are still out there!"

"We must find him," Rosalina declared. "I'll go up to the Comet Observatory and try to find him from there."

"Good, the rest of us can split up," Daisy said.

"Wario and I can go," Mona said leaning towards Wario flirtatiously. Wario pulled back grinning nervously.

"Uh, I'd a rather go with, uh, Mario!" Wario said, trying desperately to get out of it.

"I'm a with Peach," Mario declared. Wario glared viciously at him.

"Luigi and I can be on a team," Daisy declared, grabbing Luigi's arm and pulling him to her. Luigi blushed deeply, surprised and flattered.

"Then let's a go!" Mario exclaimed as he jumped into the air throwing his fist into it.


	7. Racing To The 'Rescue'

'Bad Luck'

_Part 7_

(A/N: This is technically the last chapter of this request, but for those who want to see Waluigi cured and are curious about his attackers there will be a sequel beyond this chapter. In this chapter there are references to the first story I wrote on this site entitled, Super Mario Galaxy Reach For The Stars. If you get confused you probably haven't read it, and for that I apologize. Slight OCD drives me to reference other stories I've done, so sorry for that too. Enjoy the last chapter of the request. The Next Chapter will be the beginning of the sequel, whenever I write it.)_  
_

"Let's a see. If I were Waluigi, where would I go?" Mario pondered aloud to Peach.

"Hmm, maybe he went to the mushroom kingdom Eggplant crops?" Peach asked.

"Why?" Mario asked.

"He likes eggplant," Peach defended. Mario racked his brain but could come up with nothing. He had to take Peach's idea. The two set off for the Mushroom Kingdom's eggplant crops.

"Waluigi!" Wario called.

"Waluigi, come out!" Mona chimed.

"This is a getting nowhere," Wario growled. His eyes lit up and he said, "Hey, maybe we should split up again! What a great idea. One only the handsome me could come up with!"

"Ooh, you're handsome all right. I don't even want to leave your side," Mona said leaning towards him.

"Wa! No, I'm a ugly! Leave me alone!" Wario begged.

"Whatever you say boss, but I'm not leaving you alone out here. What if we find Waluigi and he's... well...?" Mona began seriously.

"Don't say it!" Wario exclaimed, worry coming to his eyes.

"You'll need someone around to be with you," she solemnly said.

He sighed then agreed, "If he is… well, dead… then I guess even your comfort will have to do."

"Think Wario, where would he go," Mona urged.

Wario thought and thought and thought. Mona checked her watch. She was almost asleep when Wario exclaimed, "I know where he might be!"

Mona leapt up in surprise, but after recovering she asked, "Where?"

"My house!" Wario declared.

Mona's hopeful smile fell. "Why would he go back home?" she asked.

"I don't a know. He has nowhere else to go," Wario said helplessly.

"All right. We'll check it out then," Mona replied, still not quite believing him.

Daisy asked, "Luigi, he's your rival. You probably have the same way of thinking..."

"Do not!" Luigi defended.

"You know what I mean," Daisy retorted. "Where would he go? You can probably put yourself into his mind better than anyone."

"Why? Do I look depressed to you," Luigi defended meekly.

"Are you?" Daisy asked suddenly worried.

Luigi never answered for a moment. Daisy's mouth opened in disbelief. Luigi then replied, "I'm not depressed at this moment." Before Daisy could press him further he added, "Let me see. Waluigi, Waluigi... Hmm..." They were silent for only seconds before Luigi snapped his fingers and declared, "Piranha plants! He'll a be where the piranha plants are!"

"Then let's get moving!" Daisy exclaimed seizing Luigi's arm and pulling him towards a piranha plant infested area somewhere in the Mushroom Kingdom.

Rosalina was now on the Observatory. She walked quickly towards the fountain to look into the waters. "Queen Rosalina, what are you looking for?" Polari questioned.

"Waluigi disappeared," she bluntly replied. She waved her wand over the waters then looked in, trying to find Waluigi. She wandered around the pool where she kept watch on her friends and acquaintances. Finally she stopped. She had found him.

He was sitting amongst the piranha plants often getting up to change, though she never followed that process. He came back after a while and walked right passed the plants. She frowned and continued to watch him. She became nervous when she set her eyes on the determined look in his eyes. His expression obviously stated that he was passed caring about anyone or anything anymore. She nervously widened the view and saw, to her growing horror, a cliff just ahead. She saw the piranha plants roaring at him to come back, even reaching out to try and ensnare him. He brushed them off with his powers over them. He was speeding up.

"Polari, I must go! Tell the other teams where he is!" Rosalina ordered.

"Luigi and Daisy are heading there already, at a run," Polari replied. "It seems Daisy suddenly remembered that there was a cliff in the grove!"

"Good, I may need help. He's desperate and determined. He's lost all sense of feeling. He doesn't care whether he lives or dies anymore," Rosalina declared. Instantly she warped down to the grove.

Wario and Mona were looking at Wario's house. Wario's crest-fallen expression made Mona feel sorrier for him than ever. She looked helplessly around. They'd found nothing. Suddenly, though, Polari appeared saying, "Wario, Mona, this is important!"

"What is it?" Wario asked quickly.

"Waluigi is in a Piranha Plant Grove! In that grove there is a cliff that he seems intent on reaching for reasons I dare not think on! You must hurry! Mama Rosalina is going there to try and talk to him. Luigi and Daisy are running for it as we speak. I must tell Mario and Peach! The eggplant crops aren't far from it! Hurry!" Polari replied before quickly floating off leaving behind a pale gaping Mona and a white faced Wario.

"Come on Mona!" Wario yelled, grabbing her arm and dragging her along. He saw his bike and leapt on. He pulled Mona on behind him. She was surprised. She never had to even wait for his permission. There was a small part of her that was proud of herself, but worry was over-shadowing pretty much everything else. Wario gunned the bike and tore off.

Mario and Peach had listened in shock to Polari's explanation of the situation. "Oh no Mario!" Peach exclaimed.

"I know. He's a not thinking clearly! He's a being impulsive! He'll probably regret doing it, but by then it'll be too late! Let's a run! He doesn't get that it's not just a test trial!" Mario exclaimed tearing off. Peach followed close behind him.

Rosalina had landed in the grove. Through the giant piranha plants she could see the exit to the cliff. She heard the cries of the creatures calling for their papa and friend to return. She gasped then began shoving and fighting her way through the moving forest of giant piranha plants. "Waluigi!" she cried out. She broke from the briar and saw Waluigi almost there. "Waluigi!" she screamed.

That scream froze Waluigi mid-run. He turned in disbelief and fury. How dare someone come after him? Could he not have any alone time at all? Besides, it's not like he'd be missed when he went through with this. He growled then ran for the edge again. Rosalina was floating quickly after him. She realized she couldn't make it like this, so she waved her wand transporting herself to right between him and the cliffs edge. Waluigi cried out in alarm and slid to a halt barely able to avoid crashing into her and sending them both off the edge. She'd either try to save him or die too.

There was an intense pause. His vicious determined eyes met her challenging and stubborn ones. After a moment he said through clenched teeth, "Get out of the way Rosalina."

"No," she replied boldly.

"Don't make a me fight you. I don't want your sympathy or anyone else's! I'm a social outcast because of this permanent problem now! Not that anyone will notice! I stayed to myself anyway! No one will miss me, I know they won't! There are 'we want to see Waluigi die' clubs in this Kingdom! I'm allowed into sports competitions for the sole purpose that everyone else wants to destroy me!"

"You usually destroy them before they destroy you," Rosalina shot. "You've proved yourself over and over!"

"By winning sports. Yay me!" Waluigi barked. "Listen sister, I've a never hit a girl before, not counting in physical sports, and I don't a want the first to be you! However, if you don't move you'll a force my hand."

"Bring it on," she challenged drawing her wand and getting into a fighting stance. He growled. "The others are coming Waluigi. Think about what you're doing. This is a mistake! Have you ever considered how your suicide will affect your family, friends, and piranha plants?"

"Of course I have. Luigi will laugh his fool head off for the sheer joy of it all, either that or laugh on the inside while keeping up a solemn exterior. Mario will be sad for a grand total of three days, once when they find me, again when they bury me at my funeral, and three a day long mourning period afterwards. Wario will be sad all the way up to my funeral and maybe a week after, but as soon as he goes on a treasure hunt he'll forget I ever existed. Friends are easy, I have none. Acquaintances, since you look like you're a going to point out yourself as an example of a friend when you're not, they 'cough, cough' you and the other three girls, will get over it. Piranha plants, they're plants. You're opening your mouth again to defend them so I'll cut you off by explaining that they may miss me, but they have their own lives. One good meal will fix them. Have I covered all angles?" Waluigi asked.

Rosalina opened her mouth but then closed it. She had nothing to say. He _had_ covered everything. However, that didn't mean he was right about each step. She frowned then replied, "Luigi is rushing here to try and stop you as we speak along with Daisy. Ironically she was in the lead. She doesn't hate you as much as you think. Mario will mourn your loss, you know he will. He never hated you, just was annoyed. Wario will be miserable. You are his _brother_ Wally! The only sibling he has! And your friends... Walu, I am no mere acquaintance. The other girls aren't mere acquaintances. If we were we wouldn't have bothered to try and figure you and Wario out. If you die I will be devastated, especially now that I've had a chance to stop you! If I fail it will only weigh on my shoulders for the rest of my life! The piranha plants are calling for you, can't you hear them, or are have you deafened yourself to them and everyone else! Have you really tuned out everything?"

"No. Now I feel another uncontrollable bowel movement coming," he replied. She gaped in disbelief at how insensitive he was being. He continued, "I'd a like to die before I have to deal with it again. Now move. I'm a villain. I don't care what happens to my family and so called 'friends' at all. I'm a doing this for my own personal gain," Waluigi replied.

"Fight me," she replied.

"Because of the incontinence my stench now beats all!" Waluigi yelled as he tried to simply shove her aside. She, however, blasted him with her wand sending him backwards. Waluigi rose painfully up saying, "Great, now I have to change." He disappeared into the woods. She waited. He finally came back out saying, "I'm a really starting to dislike a you lover."

"Too bad I don't care," she mocked, imitating Waluigi's tone. He chuckled then suddenly gave a battle cry and charged! Before she could react he'd tackled her to the ground!

With an angry cry she struck him viciously with her wand rolling him off of her. She leapt up saying, "Come on then!"

Waluigi leapt up and cried out, "Waluigi tornado!" With that he spun at an unnatural speed and ran right into her lifting her from the ground. She cried out in shock but then made her own personal force field surround her. Waluigi struck it then instantly stopped spinning, instead howling in pain and hopping on one foot.

"Take that," Rosalina said in her monotonous way.

"That's a it! You're going down!" Waluigi shouted as the pain faded. Before she could react he'd stretched out his hand calling the wind. The blast struck Rosalina hard lifting her right over his head and away from the ledge and him. Waluigi cut it off then called as he bowed low, "Ciao my lady love!" With that he ran for the hill.

"No!" Rosalina screamed after him.

Just then Luigi and Daisy burst through the forest. "Rosalina!" Daisy gasped in alarm for her friend. She then saw Waluigi. "Waluigi, don't!" she cried. Only then did she realize that Luigi was already halfway to him, tearing across the ledge.

Mario and Peach sprang out of the woods and gasped on seeing Waluigi almost at his goal! "Waluigi! Wait!" Peach cried.

Wario and Mona jumped out of the woods on the bike having hit a jump. "Waluigi!" Mona screamed. She looked at Wario saying, "Wario!"

Wario shouted, "Little brother, don't! Please don't do this!"

"He can't hear anyone anymore," Daisy realized in shock.

"That explains why Luigi isn't calling to him," Mario replied. He ran for Wario's bike. Mona saw him and knew where she stood now. This was a family matter. She surrendered her spot to Mario. Wario gunned the bike as Mario jumped on then tore across the plateau for Waluigi.

Luigi's breath was ragged. He could tell that Waluigi was losing his own breath trying to keep ahead of his rival. "You're not going anywhere cuz!" Luigi suddenly called.

"Watch me!" Waluigi retorted. As he reached the edge and began to push off to jump, Luigi raised his hand to the sky and called down lightning and thunder to hit Waluigi. Waluigi was over the edge, but the shock froze him in place, he crying out in pain. Mario and Wario whipped by on Wario's bike and hit a jump passing just beside Waluigi. Mario reached out and seized his cousin as the lighting stopped and Waluigi began to fall. "Let me go!" Waluigi demanded furiously as he fought.

"Mario!" Luigi called in alarm.

"Not now Luigi!" Mario responded.

"Mario, there's no other side!" Luigi exclaimed in terror. The bike seemed to stop in midair. All struggling stopped, the three relatives simply frozen. Wario looked down as Mario did.

"Stupid Wario," Waluigi grumbled.

Wario chuckled nervously, then they began to fall crying out, "Ya ha ha ha!"

"No!" Luigi cried out! His entire family was about to be wiped out in front of his very eyes! He'd be the only one left! He could hardly think. He would be the single remainder of his whole family for good now.

"I could have warned you!" Waluigi exclaimed.

"If you hadn't been so prepared to die!" Wario shouted back.

Waluigi gasped in realization then said, "Y-You're right."

"Of course I am," Wario replied.

"I'm a the smart one! You couldn't tie your own shoes without a me! Rosalina was right. You need me alive! I was about to leave you completely helpless and clueless to stumble through life with no real purpose or brains! I hold your operations together! But I don't a want to live like this. At least we're all dying," Waluigi declared in a moment of revelation.

Mario, terrified at the thought, exclaimed, "Ahh! Waluigi, if we all die Luigi's a literally beat us all at the game of life! Luigi would own all!"

"Wa!" Waluigi screamed in fury. "Oh heck no! Luigi's a not going to beat out us! Wario, you need to live for both of us! You need to beat our cousins in life! Goodbye bro, goodbye cruel world!" Waluigi dramatically declared. He summoned the wind encircling Mario and Wario.

"You couldn't have a done that earlier?" Mario asked. In that bitter moment he lost his grip on Waluigi. Waluigi pulled from his hands and whipped Mario and Wario along with the bike back up towards safety! He let himself keep falling.

Luigi, meanwhile, was sobbing on his knees. Daisy and the other women were beside him. Daisy was next to him holding him tightly. "Shh, Luigi, shh, it'll be fine. You still have us. You still have me."

"Mario!" Luigi lamented.

"Luigi!" Mario's voice said suddenly. Instantly the women looked up in shock. Luigi looked up too in shock. Wario and Mario were landing with the bike, wind encompassing them!

"Mario, Wario, you're alive!" Luigi exclaimed, instantly launching himself into his cousin and brother. Wario was shocked at first, but then reluctantly returned the hug. It was then that he realized that Waluigi was no longer with them.

"Wha! Mario, where's Waluigi!" Wario demanded.

Mario gasped, paled, then looked at Wario in shock. He replied, stunned, "I-I dropped him. He pulled from my arms."

"No..." Daisy said, covering her mouth with her hand. Luigi raised a suspicious, jealous, eyebrow, but then let it slide when he saw that Peach and Mona had tears in their eyes too. Wait... Peach and Mona? Where was Rosalina?

"Uh, where's a Rosalina?" Luigi timidly asked. The others looked surprised at this question then looked around.

'So this is how I die huh?' Waluigi asked himself. 'Falling to my doom at the bottom of one of the deepest chasms I've a ever seen. If it doesn't end soon I'm a going to begin to regret this. I'm already starting to. What if I was wrong? What about my brother? No, I don't care. They can suck it up. I've only gone on one adventure with them to save Rosalina's observatory. Those were the good old days, when I actually had something to live for. That affair was short lived. Or was it? Why was Rosalina the first one to try to stop me? No, stop Waluigi, it's over. The bottom's right there. Close your eyes and it'll all be done with. No more social outcast Waluigi. No more twiggy freak, no more uncontrolled bowels, no more pain and the memory that comes with it.' He shuddered as he shut his eyes. "I'm better off dead."

"Never say that again," a woman's voice returned.

It was then that he realized he'd whispered that last thought out loud. It was then he realized that his fall was slowing, or was it over? Was he dead? Something was carrying him gently though. "Am I dead yet? Is this the Underwhere or the domain of the star spirits? It seems like the latter from your voice and touch, but why would the star spirits bother with me?" He sniffed the air then grimaced asking angrily, "And why do I a still have this problem!"

"Open your eyes Waluigi," the voice replied. He let them flicker open only to see Rosalina carrying him with an expression between a smirk and disgust. He screamed in horror and humiliation then tried to dive out of her arms. It worked, but it only resulted in him landing on his head at the bottom of the chasm in seconds. He groaned in pain then the rest of his body fell over.

Rosalina landed next to him shaking her head. "Please, never try that again. No one is better off dead."

"Why can't any of you leave me alone?" he groaned as he rolled over onto his back looking up at her. "I want to die. What don't you get about that?"

"Do you Waluigi? You who cares so much about himself?" Rosalina challenged as she knelt next to him placing the back of her hand on his face.

He paused absently resting his hand over hers then replied meekly, "I don't know anymore. I don't want to live with this problem and the memory of that night, but then again… Suicide just isn't me. I like life. I'm a life's number one fan."

"I promise you that we will never abandon you. At least not me. Please, come back with me and put suicide out of your head for a bit. Maybe things will look up," Rosalina pleaded.

"I'm better off down here than anywhere else," Waluigi growled.

She bit her lip then said, "Remember the reactions of your family when they thought you were dead? Remember my feelings? Remember when I begged you not to face Mr. L alone? You listened then. Listen now."

Waluigi read her expression a moment. Finally he replied, "I will. Let's a go get this over with." With that he rose and let Rosalina fly him up to the top of the cliff.

The rest of the group was waiting tensely, hoping Rosalina would return. Mona looked towards the cliff sadly. Wario was looking down the chasm, for once looking completely unlike Wario, weak and miserable. It just wasn't natural. Wario turned with a sigh then said, "He's a not coming back. Let's a just go."

"He might still…" Mario began hopefully.

"Bro," Luigi said, cutting him off. Mario looked. Luigi shook his head solemnly signaling that Wario needed to accept things as they were, and so did Mario. Mario swallowed over a lump in his throat. Mona was still fixed on the cliff.

Her eyes suddenly lit up as she looked behind Wario whose head was hung. She leapt up saying, "Rosalina, Waluigi! You're alive!" The others, startled, instantly turned as Rosalina let Waluigi onto the safety of the cliff.

"Waweegee!" Wario exclaimed as he crushed his brother in delight.

"Wario, you just made me have another accident!" Waluigi furiously shot, but he forgave him without a thought. Nonetheless he stalked by them all only pausing near Luigi to say, "You're a not going to beat me at the game of life! Not yet!"

"Wha?" Luigi asked in confusion, but Waluigi was already heading off to change. Luigi looked at Mario in confusion. Mario smiled then explained it to him. The group watched Waluigi disappear in relief. He'd be fine. At least for a while.


End file.
